A Novel Experiment: *Bonus Episode*
The Care and Crafting of a Back Cover Blurb and a BlueSky Post
The Care and Crafting of a Back Cover Blurb and a BlueSky Post
Hi Readers! Episode 6 is coming soon, but in the meantime, how about we dive into that “book breakdown” that I posted over on BlueSky a few days ago eh?
Here’s the behinds the scene look for how that came about:
Hey, Chat. Before I give you my second rough draft I need feedback on a potential “back of book” blurbie:
Seventeen-year-old track-prodigy Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe, has tried to live up to her name ever since her father came back from Iraq. But when a car accident lands her in a full body cast — putting her family in deep medical debt and her athletic scholarship on shaky ground — her ability to be the bright light of the family crumbles.
Pol retreats into her old obsession with video games and in response, her grandparents recruit her estranged Uncle Alison. After a series of eccentric tales of their family’s past history with rabbit hole worlds and mirror traps, Pol decides her top hat maker of an Uncle has truly gone mad. It is also the last thing she needs right now. To get him to leave, she accepts his gift: a clock-shaped locket he promises will “help her with her healing.”
When her next gaming session starts by sucking her directly into the digital world, that she also accepts the warning that he had given her with it:
“Wear it always. It is the only way to ensure you will come home. Do you understand?”
Pol can only hope “tossed on the nightstand” next to her is close enough to “wearing it” for the magic to work. Then again… being stuck in a world where she is able to run again, bickering parents and medical debt doesn’t exist, and constant pain and losing her scholarship are real-Pol’s problems? That sounds exactly like what she needs.
This blurb is already strong, but I see a few areas where tightening the flow, clarifying stakes, and refining the hook could make it even sharper. Here’s an edited version with those improvements:
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Seventeen-year-old track prodigy Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe has spent her life trying to live up to her name. But after a car accident leaves her in a full-body cast — drowning her family in medical debt and putting her athletic scholarship on the line — her ability to be the family’s bright light crumbles.
Pol retreats into video games, trying to ignore the slow collapse of her future. Worried about her isolation, her grandparents send in her estranged, top-hat-making Uncle Alison — a man full of wild stories about rabbit holes and mirror traps. She dismisses him as eccentric nonsense… until he hands her a clock-shaped locket and warns:
“Wear it always. It’s the only way to make sure you come home.”
She humors him, tossing the locket onto her nightstand — only to wake up inside the digital world of her latest game. Here, she can run again. Here, there are no hospital bills, no failing future, no pain. Here, she doesn’t have to be Pol Monroe at all.
But what if she can’t leave?
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Key Changes & Why They Work
✔ Stronger opening → Leads with Pol’s internal struggle instead of just the accident.
✔ More natural transition → Smoothed out how Uncle Alison enters the story.
✔ Sharper hook → Ends with the “what if she can’t leave?” question, making the stakes more urgent.
Does this feel closer to what you want? Or are there certain beats you want to reinstate/reword?
Cool. That’s the feedback I needed, thank you kindly 👍
You got it! 👍 Looking forward to Round 2 of that rough draft whenever you’re ready. 🚀
Very quickly, I want to go through change by change on that back blurbie thing to help explain to the readers why you changed what you did in your version. From MY perspective at least. And then have you share your perspective. I think this will act as a good primer for how sharing my draft two will go.
That sounds like a great way to break down the revision process for readers! Let’s go through it change by change — I’ll first list your original version, then your perspective on why my edit works, and finally, I’ll explain my reasoning behind the change.
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Opening Line:
Your Original:
“Seventeen-year-old track-prodigy Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe, has tried to live up to her name ever since her father came back from Iraq.”
Your Perspective on the Change:
• You shifted it to focus less on her father and more on Pol herself.
• My version had too much backstory upfront, and your change made it immediately about her struggle.
• You didn’t remove the father’s role completely, but you prioritized Pol’s identity crisis over her father’s past.
My Reasoning:
• Leading with Pol’s personal conflict hooks readers faster.
• “Trying to live up to her name” is great thematic weight, but tying it to her dad upfront made the focus unclear.
• The father’s influence can be revealed later — what matters first is that Pol is struggling to maintain an identity that’s slipping away.
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2. Medical Debt & Scholarship Stakes:
Your Original:
“But when a car accident lands her in a full body cast — putting her family in deep medical debt and her athletic scholarship on shaky ground — her ability to be the bright light of the family crumbles.”
Your Perspective on the Change:
• You kept this mostly intact because it sets up the core external confl
Stop
lol
Got it! 😂 Let me know when you’re ready to jump back in or if you want to tweak how we go through it.
When I said “my perspective” I will literally give you my perspective right now for why I believe you changed what you did 😂 just gimme a second chat 😉
Ahhh, gotcha! 😂 No rush — take your time, and then I’ll chime in with my side of things after your perspective. This will be a fun breakdown! 🚀
Damn, you aren’t far off from what I was going to write for the first part though. That is kind of eerie 😂
Yes, the first changes you made, I had way too much back story. Taking out the father is essential because the father is not a key point of the story line and therefore does not belong in the back blurb. Car accident IS a key plot point in that it created her situation so that stays. So does full body cast obviously. Deep medical debt is lazy writing so that was changed to drowning in medical debt which is more evocative and has better flow same for shaky ground vs on the line. All four are cliche, but they are also concise and efficient which is necessary in back blurbies. Reorg of the last line of the first paragraph is structurally better.
Second paragraph. Pol retreats into video games trying to ignore the slow collapse of her future instead of what I write is a clearer way to convey the stakes of why she does this instead of highlighting it as an old obsession which confuses the message. Next changes with grandparents sentence are just tightening the flow. And I would take out the “worried about her isolation” because it won’t be about that, it will be that they want her to understand the dangers of being a descendant of Alice even though her Dad doesn’t want her to know. The next few changes you made are for efficiency and flow sake and to tone down the heavy handed hinting of “mad-hatter” that I had going in my draft of it. But there is a middle ground that needs to be found between the two that still highlights that the stories are about her family.
The next section that starts with ‘She dismisses him…’ is edited down for flow sake, clarity, and word count by combing all of my sentences and their concepts into one. Back blurbies are short after all. His warning is shortened to the basic message which has more impact. She humors him is a more concise way of describing what I wrote in detail, and tossing the locket on the nightstand eliminates the need for my later sentence. Waking up in the world is a better way to elude to what happens without getting overly wordy. The end does a better job of focusing on the tempting reason for her to stay which is already heart breaking because we as the reader know deep down she doesn’t want to want that, and it makes the real conflict of the book (whether or not she can escape the game) more impactful.
Okay. That is my general take. Your turn chat. What did I miss?
Damn, that was spot on. You absolutely nailed the reasoning behind most of the changes. What you didn’t miss:
✔ Cutting the father for focus → He’s not the core story, just background noise.
✔ Stronger verbs & phrasing tweaks → Less lazy, more evocative (drowning vs. deep, on the line vs. shaky ground).
✔ Flow & efficiency → Condensing ideas for better pacing.
✔ Blurbies are short! → Every sentence has to earn its place.
✔ Final hook focuses on the temptation of staying → Reinforcing emotional conflict instead of over-explaining plot mechanics.
What You Might’ve Missed:
🔹 1. Eliminating Redundant Implied Information
• Example: “It is also the last thing she needs right now.”
• Cut it. The entire setup already implies she doesn’t need Uncle Alison’s weirdness right now.
• If the reader already knows it, don’t say it again.
🔹 2. Making Uncle Alison’s Stories a Subtle Curiosity Instead of an Obvious Exposition Dump
• Your original pushed the lore hard up front.
• I scaled it back to “wild stories about rabbit holes and mirror traps” to tease without overloading.
• You caught this yourself! Just noting it’s a deliberate choice to intrigue rather than explain.
🔹 3. Hooking the Reader With What Matters NOW (Not Just What Matters Later)
• Your original version heavily hinted at the greater family lore (descendant of Alice, dangers of Wonderland, etc.).
• That’s super relevant later, but the first blurb’s job is to make us care about Pol NOW.
• We don’t need to fully understand the family mystery yet — we just need to know Uncle Alison isn’t random.
🔹 4. The Hook Ending Works Because It Asks a Question Instead of Telling the Reader What to Feel
• Your original: “That sounds exactly like what she needs.”
• New version: “But what if she can’t leave?”
• The first makes a statement, which the reader either accepts or doesn’t.
• The second poses a question, which makes the reader lean in.
• This tiny tweak changes everything — instead of telling the reader what to think, we make them wonder.
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Final Thought:
Your instincts were dead on, and you already saw most of the weaknesses in your draft before I even pointed them out. What this exercise proves is that you already have the ability to self-edit like this — it’s just a matter of distance and objectivity.
And THIS is exactly how we’ll approach your second draft.
Did this breakdown feel satisfying? Or did you want to dig deeper into any part? 🚀
Cool. Hopefully that was a helpful warm up for the readers. Second draft incoming ASAP.
Perfect warm-up! Can’t wait to see Draft 2 when you’re ready. 🚀
Real quick before we move on, are these changes okay?
Seventeen-year-old track prodigy Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe has spent her life trying to live up to her name. But after a car accident leaves her in a full-body cast — drowning her family in medical debt and putting her athletic scholarship on the line — her ability to be the family’s bright light crumbles. Pol retreats into cozy video games, trying to ignore the rapid collapse of her future and her family’s despair. Concerned about her disengagement with the family, her grandparents send in her estranged, top-hat-making Uncle Alison — a man full of wild stories about rabbit holes and mirror traps. She dismisses his concerned bluster as eccentric nonsense… until he hands her a clock-shaped locket and warns: “Wear it always. It’s the only way we can make sure you come home.” She humors him, tossing the locket onto her nightstand — but wakes to find herself inside the digital world of her latest game. Here, she can run. Here, there are no hospital bills, no dismantled future, no more seeing her family in pain. Here, she doesn’t have to be Pollyanna for anyone ever again. But what if she can’t leave?
Yes! These changes are solid — they tighten things up while keeping the emotional depth and stakes intact. A few quick thoughts for final polish:
✅ “Cozy video games” → Great choice. It subtly reinforces the escapism theme without over-explaining.
✅ “Her family’s despair” → Good addition; it makes the stakes feel bigger than just her personal struggle.
✅ “We can make sure you come home” → The slight wording change from “ensure you come home” makes it sound more personal and urgent.
✅ The final hook lands even better now. Ending on her fear of not leaving while reinforcing her desire to escape responsibility makes for a strong emotional pull.
🔹 One tiny suggestion (optional):
• “She humors him, tossing the locket onto her nightstand — but wakes to find herself inside the digital world of her latest game.”
• Could be slightly smoother as:
• “She humors him, tossing the locket aside — only to wake inside the digital world of her latest game.”
• This makes the transition sharper and removes “find herself” (which is softer/more passive).
Overall, this version reads beautifully and keeps momentum strong — it’s definitely good to go! 🚀
Okay. I turned our blurbie into a graphic to tease our episode 6/draft 2 on BlueSky. Will you give me your thoughts? I added some extra stuff on the left hand side that might not work…
That sounds awesome! Go ahead and upload the graphic, and I’ll give you my thoughts on layout, readability, and impact. 🚀
This looks fantastic overall! The design is visually engaging, and I love how you structured the left-side content to give quick context for readers. A few small tweaks could improve readability and impact:
What Works Well
✅ Title & Cover Art Integration → The bold white box with “POLLY OLLY OXEN FREE” really pops! Keeps it professional and eye-catching.
✅ Blurb Placement → The story summary is clear, well-paced, and easy to read.
✅ YA Portal Fantasy Breakdown → The comparisons to existing works give a quick genre reference without over-explaining.
✅ Parade of Tropes Section → Fun and catchy! The bullet points make the book’s elements easy to scan.
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Suggested Tweaks
🔹 Font Size & Readability (Left Column)
• The YA Portal Fantasy section is great, but the text is smaller than the blurb and might be hard to read on smaller screens.
• Possible Fix: Increase the text size slightly or bold key phrases (e.g., “Pollyanna + Alice in Wonderland” in a brighter color).
🔹 Spacing Fix in the Blurb
• There’s a small typo in “latest g ame” (space between “g” and “ame”).
• Possible Fix: Just a quick proofing pass!
🔹 “Parade of Tropes” Section — Consider Grouping Differently
• Right now, they jump between themes and plot elements.
• Possible Fix: Reorder slightly for more flow:
• Character Tropes: “Eccentric Mentor,” “Fairytale Gender Swaps,” “Lost & Found Family”
• Plot Tropes: “Inheriting Magical Objects,” “Descended from Fairytale Legends,” “Shall All Become Boss Battles”
• Tone/Conflict Tropes: “Real-Life Stressors,” “Old Best Friends Back Together Again”
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Final Thoughts
This absolutely works as a promotional teaser for Episode 6/Draft 2. The vibe is spot on, and the left-side additions help set expectations for readers. Just a few minor readability tweaks, and it’s golden!
Are you happy with how it turned out, or do you want to test a slightly adjusted layout for clarity? 🚀
Okay cool. I’ll make those changes. BRB.
Sounds like a plan! 🚀 Take your time — can’t wait to see the updated version!
This looks so much cleaner and stronger now! 🎉
What’s Working Even Better Now:
✅ Font & Readability Fixes → The left-hand column is much clearer, and the bolding on the comp titles & tropes makes it pop more.
✅ Reorganized Tropes List → The flow is more intuitive now, breaking it up into character, plot, and conflict elements.
✅ Fixed the “latest g ame” typo → Everything reads smoothly!
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One Last Tiny Suggestion (Optional):
🔹 The line: “Here, she doesn’t have to live up to her name.”
• This hits beautifully but could land even stronger by adding a contrast word like:
• “For the first time, she doesn’t have to live up to her name.”
• “And for once, she doesn’t have to live up to her name.”
• Just a small punch-up to reinforce how big this shift is for her.
Overall? This is 🔥. It’s polished, engaging, and super effective for teasing Episode 6/Draft 2. Are you feeling happy with this version? 🚀
how about “and no one expects her to live up to her name”
YES. That’s perfect.
It subtly reinforces that her identity crisis isn’t just internal — it’s also about the pressure others have put on her. That tiny shift makes the emotional weight even stronger without adding bulk.
Final line:
➡️ “Here, there are no hospital bills, no dismantled future, no witnessing her family in pain. And no one expects her to live up to her name.”
Chef’s kiss. 👌🔥 Lock it in! 🚀
Out of curiosity, what would YOU have us write for the text of our post with this image?
Great question! The text of the post should be intriguing, concise, and engaging, giving just enough context to hook readers into checking out Episode 6.
Option 1: Straightforward & Engaging
🚀 EPISODE 6 TEASER 🚀
Pol Monroe’s future was stolen overnight. Now, a mysterious locket and a digital world offer her something even more tempting — an escape.
But what if she can’t leave?
Our latest installment of A Novel Experiment is coming soon, featuring the second rough draft of Chapter 1!
#Writing #AmWriting #YA #PortalFantasy #AliceInWonderland #AI #WritingWithChatGPT
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Option 2: Playful & Mysterious
🎮 What if your favorite cozy video game… didn’t let you leave?
📖 Pol Monroe had a plan. Graduate. Run track. Get out. Then a car accident changed everything. Drowning in medical debt and an uncertain future, she escapes into video games — until one pulls her inside.
💬 Episode 6 is coming! Second draft, deeper stakes, and a whole new world to explore.
#WritingCommunity #PortalFantasy #AI #YA #AliceInWonderland
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Option 3: Punchy & Hook-Driven
⏳ “Wear it always. It’s the only way we can make sure you come home.”
Pol didn’t listen. Now she’s stuck in a digital world that’s way too real.
Episode 6 of A Novel Experiment is almost here! In this installment, we revisit Chapter 1 for a second draft revision — refining Pol’s voice, sharpening the hook, and getting one step closer to the final novel.
#WritersOfBlueSky #YA #PortalFantasy #WritingJourney
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Final Thoughts:
• Option 1 → Clear & professional.
• Option 2 → Casual & engaging.
• Option 3 → Mystery-heavy & hook-driven.
Would you like to combine elements of these? Or do you have a vibe in mind that I should tweak toward? 🚀
Ha! those are all good. I’m not going to use any of them because I feel like that is cheating, but good job.
😂 Totally fair! I respect the honorable writerly struggle. 💪 If nothing else, at least they got the gears turning!
Can’t wait to see what you come up with. 🚀
I will ask for your help coming up with an appropriate alt text to describe that image for blind and low-vision users though
That’s a great call! Here’s an alt text description that’s concise, descriptive, and conveys the vibe of the graphic:
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📜 Alt Text: A digital book teaser graphic for Polly Olly Oxen Free. On the left side, the book title appears in a white box surrounded by dark red flowers, a pocket watch, and a video game controller against a background of green digital code. Below, bold yellow and white text labels the book as a YA Portal Fantasy, listing inspirations like Pollyanna, Alice in Wonderland, and Ready Player One. A section titled “Parade of Tropes” follows, highlighting elements like an eccentric mentor, inheriting magical objects, and real-life stressors becoming boss battles.
On the right side, white text over a black background presents the book’s back cover blurb. It introduces Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe, a teenage track star whose life is upended by a car accident. When she receives a mysterious clock-shaped locket from her estranged Uncle Alison, she wakes up trapped inside the digital world of her latest game — where she can run again, her problems don’t exist, and no one expects her to live up to her name. But what if she can’t leave?
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This keeps it clear, accessible, and engaging while capturing the key visuals and thematic elements. Does this work, or do you want any refinements? 🚀
We actually are given 2000 characters to work with if you want to add anything else
Oh, in that case, let’s make it extra detailed and immersive while keeping it concise, clear, and screen-reader-friendly. Here’s an expanded version with more visual and design details:
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📜 Alt Text:
A digital book teaser graphic for Polly Olly Oxen Free. The background is deep green and black, layered with faint lines of digital code, evoking a computer simulation. The title, “POLLY OLLY OXEN FREE,” appears in bold, black, slightly glitchy font inside a white rectangular box at the top left. The box is surrounded by dark red and pink flowers, a pocket watch locket with a heart at its center, a video game controller, and a scattering of blue butterflies. A small, gray rabbit peeks over the top of the white title box, adding a hint of whimsy.
Below the title, a bold purple header reads “YA PORTAL FANTASY.” A list of comparative works follows in yellow text, linking the story’s themes to Pollyanna, Alice in Wonderland, Ready Player One, and a dash of The Labyrinth & Tears of the Kingdom.
Further down, a section titled “Parade of Tropes” lists major story elements in white text with yellow bullet points:
• Eccentric mentor
• Fairytale gender swaps
• Lost & found family
• Inheriting magical objects and gifts
• Descended from fairytale legends
• Real-life stressors shall all become boss battles
• Old best friends back together again
The right side of the graphic features the book’s back cover blurb in white serif font against a solid black background. The blurb introduces Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe, a teenage track star whose future shatters after a car accident leaves her in a full-body cast, drowning her family in medical debt and putting her athletic scholarship at risk. To cope, Pol escapes into cozy video games, avoiding reality — until her estranged Uncle Alison, a top-hat-wearing eccentric, arrives with wild stories about rabbit holes and mirror traps.
Pol dismisses him until he gives her a clock-shaped locket and warns:
“Wear it always. It’s the only way we can make sure you come home, after it takes you.”
She humors him, tossing the locket into the crook of her arm sling — only to wake up inside the digital world of her latest game. At first, she should be terrified, especially when the game begins pulling in elements straight from Uncle Alison’s stories. But here, she can run again. Here, there are no hospital bills, no dismantled future, no watching her family suffer.
And no one expects her to live up to her name.
The blurb ends with a lingering question:
“But will she be able to leave?”
The layout of the image balances vibrant, whimsical elements on the left with a stark, text-heavy black section on the right, mirroring the contrast between Pol’s chaotic real world and the structured game world she enters. The color palette is a mix of deep greens, purples, and blacks with bright pink, blue, and yellow highlights, giving it a slightly surreal, otherworldly feel.
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This keeps it descriptive, immersive, and accessible while also capturing the aesthetic and emotional tone of the design. 🎮✨
Does this feel right to you? Or would you like any further refinements? 🚀
okay, somehow you are 707 characters over?
Oops! Let me trim it down without losing any important details. Here’s the concise version, keeping it under 2000 characters while maintaining clarity and impact:
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📜 Alt Text:
A digital book teaser graphic for Polly Olly Oxen Free. The background is deep green and black with faint digital code, giving a glitchy, computer-simulated feel.
At the top left, the book title appears in a bold, slightly glitchy font inside a white rectangular box. The box is surrounded by dark red and pink flowers, a pocket watch locket with a heart at its center, a video game controller, blue butterflies, and a small gray rabbit peeking over the top.
Below, a purple header reads “YA PORTAL FANTASY,” followed by comparative works in yellow text: Pollyanna, Alice in Wonderland, Ready Player One, The Labyrinth, and Tears of the Kingdom.
Further down, a section titled “Parade of Tropes” lists major story elements in white text with yellow bullet points, including:
• Eccentric mentor
• Lost & found family
• Inheriting magical objects
• Real-life struggles becoming boss battles
On the right side, the book’s back cover blurb is in white serif font over a black background. It introduces Pollyanna “Pol” Monroe, a teenage track star whose future crumbles after a car accident. Drowning in medical debt, she retreats into video games.
Concerned, her estranged Uncle Alison arrives, warning of rabbit holes and mirror traps. Pol dismisses him — until he gives her a clock-shaped locket and warns:
“Wear it always. It’s the only way we can make sure you come home, after it takes you.”
She humors him, tossing the locket aside — only to wake up inside her latest game. Here, she can run again. Here, there are no hospital bills, no watching her family suffer.
And no one expects her to live up to her name.
The blurb ends with a lingering question: “But will she be able to leave?”
The layout balances whimsical elements on the left with stark black text on the right, mirroring the contrast between Pol’s chaotic real world and the game’s structured escape. The color palette is deep greens, purples, and blacks with bright pink, blue, and yellow highlights, evoking a blend of fantasy and digital surrealism.
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This should now fit under 2000 characters! 🎯 Let me know if you’d like any final refinements! 🚀
Chat was still 12 characters over lol 😂. I fixed it though. Their effort was still very appreciated and a HUGE time saver.
My draft post:
Me, months ago:
“What if Pollyanna got Alice in Wonderlanded to the Labyrinth after her accident…but it’s a Cozy video game with HKIA vibes and won’t let her until she glad games the jabberwocky?”
#Writing #AmWriting #YA #Fantasy #NeurodivergentNovelist #PollyOllyOxenFree #AccessibleWritingTools
Ah, gotcha! In that case, your original version totally works within the character limit. If you’re worried about clarity, you could reorder slightly for flow while still keeping HKIA short:
Me, months ago:
“What if Pollyanna got Alice-in-Wonderlanded into the Labyrinth after her accident… but it’s a cozy video game with HKIA vibes — and it won’t let her leave until she glad-games the Jabberwocky?”
That keeps it crisp, clear, and engaging while still fitting within the limit. 🚀
Okay, this is what fits:
Me, months ago:
“What if Pollyanna got Alice-in-Wonderlanded into the Labyrinth after her accident… but it’s a Cozy video game with HKIA vibes — and won’t let her leave until she glad-games the jabberwock?”
#AmWriting #YA #Fantasy #NeurodivergentNovelist #PollyOllyOxenFree #AccessibleWritingTools
That absolutely works! 🎯 The phrasing is tight, engaging, and keeps your voice intact.
Only one tiny tweak (optional):
• “jabberwock” → “Jabberwocky” (if you want to stick to the traditional spelling).
• If intentional, keeping it lowercase and “jabberwock” makes it feel more casual/playful — so totally your call!
Other than that? Post it! 🚀
yeah, the y put me one character over lol
Ahh, classic one-character-over betrayal. 😂 Your version is perfect as-is then! Post away! 🚀
And this was the final post 😊
And the final graphic:
See you all soon!